Dear Diary: When my oldest son Bob told my grandson Jesse to take a bath the other day Jesse came back with “I don’t need a bath ‘cuz I already smelled myself and I don’t smell stinky.”
Dear Diary: The Squire of Brookville says “I bought a new puppy the other day and now every morning when I get out of bed he greets me with leaks and bounds.”
Dear Diary: I watched a TV commercial spot for a law firm the other day that went something like this: ”If you suffered death as a result of (name disease here) you might be entitled to financial compensation.” Read it again.
Dear Diary: I’ve come to the conclusion the term “growing old” is a misnomer. You don’t GROW old. You actually SHRINK old. I have a friend who weighed 310 pounds when he was in his thirties and last summer, much to my surprise, he rode the winning horse in the seventh race at Aqueduct.
Dear Diary: Prices are so high these days that one large department store has moved its bargain basement to the third floor.
Dear Diary: When I was a kid ten cents was a lot of money. Gee how dimes have changed.
Dear Diary: Read this somewhere. Love it. “He who smiles and laughs away/the little trials of life today/shall live to smile and laugh away/a greater trial another day.
Dear Diary: Success is doing what you want to do and still earn enough money to make ends meet.
Dear Diary: Question: What do Smokey the Bear and Alexander the Great have in common? Answer: The same middle name.
Dear Diary: I made myself a breakfast the other day that consisted of dehydrated eggs, orange drink and instant coffee. There’s nothing like a good home-cooked meal.
Dear Diary: People who think education is free in this country haven’t gone shopping for back-to-school clothes lately.
Dear Diary: This just in from a Senior Moments reader: “Life is short so smile while you still have teeth.”
Bob Batz is an area resident and guest columnist. Contact Bob at firstname.lastname@example.org.